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“Dear ADHD” NOW!

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 42. I literally felt so much grief with this late diagnosis because I understood the years of negative things I believed of myself & my development of great shame over these messages, were not my fault. I lived much of my life feeling like I didn’t belong & wasn’t valuable. ADHD wasn’t understood while I was growing up, not by society, not by my family.

I struggled so much with school, I finished 4 years of university (general credits, as my focus kept changing), but it came at great mental cost to me. 

📚This is the girl whose Elementary, Highschool & University teachers wrote on her report cards:

“Listening skills are weak & attentiveness in class is very poor, a change is desired here” 🧐”A lot of improvement is necessary, immediately Heidi – Get to work in term 2″  “Not all assignments have been submitted for marking nor has an acceptable reason been given for non-submission” 🤯”Lacks concentration, easily distracted” “At present, Heidi has 14/36 on work completed although she is capable, she is not working” 🤐”Be more attentive, develop self discipline” “Make more effort” “Heidi has trouble settling down to get to work, she is capable of better behaviour” 👩🏻‍💻”Heidi is capable but hasn’t completed her work, she could be a good student” “More concentration needed” 😵‍💫”Heidi has the ability to do well if she would just concentrate” “Student demonstrates little or no effort in class”

All my school reports contained so much negativity. My mental health was being severely and systematically damaged. The Child Behaviour Clinic has reported findings in 2023 from researchers, by the age of 10, kids with ADHD receive 20,000 more negative messages and critiques than their peers without ADHD, 20,000 more negative comments. Over the course of 10 years, that’s more than 5 negative comments PER DAY MORE than their peers. 

The American Psychological Association has found: “in the 10 years leading up to the pandemic, feelings of persistent sadness and hopelessness – as well as suicidal thoughts and behaviors have increased by about 40% among young people.” “We’re seeing really high rates of suicide and depression, and this has been going on for a while.”

All my life, I felt “wrong.” I felt like as though I was watching the world from the outside of a window pane. I had a direct view but no access to the great life I saw inside. All the people “in there” seemed to breeze through their “to do’s”, the tasks, the social expectations, the short term memory, the focus, the time management, the prioritizing, the confidence; the life in general. 

I wrote this song to sing this to the world, I want to tell you we are all ok and you’re not alone. I wrote it for everyone who struggles with ADHD & any neuro-divergent. 

The lovely thing about art, music, expression is that it connects my heart to your, it’s from my heart to yours!

There were some glimmers of light, hope too from those who saw past my disorder.

🏫 This is the girl whose Elementary, Highschool & University teachers wrote on her report cards:

“Works very hard in and out of class. The A mark achieved is a result of this.” “Keep up the good work.” “One of the top students in English class”
🎭 “Imaginative work done in role creation. An invaluable member of our Drama production” “Excellent Improvement shown” 🏃🏻♀️ “Heidi’s timed runs are excellent”
“Honour Award – Concert Choir” 🥇 “Award of Excellence – In recognition of attaining the highest achievement level in Canada Fitness Award” * 3 years consecutively. *
“Achievement (Most Improvement) Award” “Roll of Honour – SD34”

⚡️I still struggle with the constant & polarizing push & pull of my value and adequacies. “Wild Dog” exercise and being creative like writing/singing music help greatly to reduce negative self thoughts.

THIS is me – Resilient, Hopeful, Hyperfocused, Creative, Spontaneous, Courageous, Conversational, Humourous, Empathetic, Socially Intelligent, Recognizer of Others Feelings, Boundless Energy, Unique Perspective, Lateral Thinker, Outside of the Box Thinker, Curious. Mutli-Tasker 

And now, with Knowledge & Experience as my weapon, I have been raising my daughter, who is diagnosed like me, with some skill, love & compassion. 

SO BE educated, create a loving environment for yourself & others and you could be the glimmer of light to somebody else. 

Find your tribe 🌸💗🌸

You could be the glimmer of light to someone else. 

Love Heidi 

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